Lord Of The Rings
by StBerryForever
Summary: If you still loved him, after years had passed, what did you do to let go?  *Mentions lord of the rings, btu you can still read it if you havent seen any of the movies.*
1. Moving On

**A/N: If you haven't read or seen Lord of the Rings, it doesn't matter. But this does mention it, please review!**

When the one you love leaves you, what do you do? Do you fight for them? Do you run away and hide, hide from everything that makes you _you_? Do you pine after them, wishing for your loved one back?

Or do you simply pretend? Pretend that you are not troubled by their absence at all, that you never truely loved them back?

He left me. Not the other way round. So how can it be my fault, my fault that I'm spiralling into a black hole of nothing? My fault that my life has changed, that it can't go back to the way it was before _him_?

My fault that I have changed?

I can't just blame him, though. He is my life - nothing can change that. But I know I should blame him, I've been told that enough already.

So who can I blame? Because I have to blame someone, but I can't blame myself.

And I can't blame him.

Life wasn't fair.

That is a familiar phrase for most children. Thats what your parents tell you when your screaming because your little brother got more lollies then you, and you just can't understand why no one cares.

Thats what they tell you when you didn't get the lead in the school play, and your best friend got it instead.

Thats what they tell you when everyone in the class but you got invited to the cool girls birthday party and you're crying in your bedroom.

Thats what I tell myself when my perfect, amazing, boyfriend left me for his career.

Which, I guess, I should understand. I mean, last year, I would have done the same, wouldn't I? And I would have told everyone it wasn't my fault and that my singing was everything to me, so I couldn't let it go for some boy.

Even if that boy had loved me, loved me than his own life.

Jesse should have been the same. If life was fair.

But I knew it wasn't fair.

A small glint of silver caught my eye. It was my ring, my ring from _him_. I didn't know why I still had it, but I did know that I hadn't taken it off since the day he gave it to me, almost three years ago.

That thought made me sad. Three years, and he hadn't attempted to contact me. Three years, and I still hadn't gone out with a single boy since him. Three years, and he was probably off doing amazing things, while I was stuck back in Ohio alone, still pining after him.

He would've moved on ages ago. So why couldn't I?

I knew the answer to that. I couldn't move on because for me, every momement was real. I wasn't on some mission to break Vocal Adrenaline, or break the boy who loved me. I was simply like any other teenager - love crazed and convinced he would be the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

It obviously wasn't the same for him, if he could just let me go.

He had wanted an epic career from me, and I had wanted an epic romance from him.

So it was never meant to work, even if I had so badly wanted it to. Love isn't a one way road, for it to work, it had to be mutual.

Did that mean he never loved me, just the tiniest bit?

_I loved you._ That was what he had said, on that fateful day so many memories ago. But even after all this time, the day was one memorie that still stuck in my head, one that still teared me apart.

He had said 'I loved you', so did that mean he had loved me, even though he wasn't prepared to give his career for me?

I twirled the beautiful ring. Then I suddenly thought of a date with him, over at his house, when he had dared me to watch 'Lord of the Rings'. I had never seen it before, since I was in love with musicals, but I agreed. We sat there and watched all three movies, sitting on the couch, lying in his arms.

That was the reason that when the Hobbit had come out, I couldn't go and see it. Because it brought back memories,_ good _memories, but ones that made me cry.

I could relate, the tiniest bit, to Lord of the Rings, because my ring was also making me fade away, bit by bit, until there was nothing left at all.

I was already under the power of him, though, I always would be.

My own ring was a silver band, with a diamond rope twisting around it. It was quite simple, but I had loved it anyway.

He had put the ring on for me, and when I looked down to admire it I saw that he had put it on the wedding finger.

Maybe he knew it would break me even more when he left, and make my fading away come quicker.

Or maybe, like me, he had fantasies of big white dresses and five layer cakes. Maybe, he wished that for us one day.

But I couldn't be sure. Maybe it was nothing at all, that he hadn't realised what finger he had put it on.

But I still wished.

Thinking that the ring was stopping me letting go, I had an idea. Slowly walking out the front door, I headed for the small river that ran past our house. It always reminded me of the river in the movie, the one that Gollum had found the ring in. It might give me comfort knowing that it would still be there, still connected to any memories of him I might have.

I stopped just under a tree, and slowly, carefully, I pulled the ring off my finger.

I held it up to the sunlight and watched, amazed, as the diamond threw sparkles in to the air. But this ring was a tricker, just like the boy I still loved.

Without really thinking about it, I dropped the ring into the flowing water. The river was clear, and I could almost see it as it drifted to the bottom.

The ring made the tiniest thud as it hit rock bottom, just like I had three years ago. Maybe it had now taken my place and I could be free.

Then I turned and walked away, feeling strange as I went back to the house. It might have been that I was finally ready to move on.

But I knew, a part of me, would always love the boy who had stolen my heart.

Jesse St James.

I let out a small cry at his name in my head. I had tried to forget it, and I almost had. I never thought of his name if I could avoid it.

Then I realised, maybe, this was all part of moving on. So I said it, out loud.

"Jesse St James."

It felt good when the name didn't stab me in the heart like it usually would have.

I could have been right about the ring, I probably would never know.

But I did know, that after years of death, I could finally start living.

**A/N: I know it was sad, but I might continue if I get enough reviews.**

**Please read my other fics, 'Mine' and 'When it Rains'. I really want more reviews!**


	2. Off to Seattle

**A/N: Here's chapter 2! Please reveiw!**

Six years. Six years since I left her. Six years since I made the biggest mistake of my life. I shouldn't have run away when I saw Finn Hudson kiss her before they performed 'faithfully' together - and did an amazing job of it too.

But I did run back to my dressing room - private, of course - and sulk. Well, I may have smashed a glass or two as well... but it was mainly pining after Rachel.

So now, I find myself sitting by a river, trying to clear my head. Why did I do this. Oh, thats right. I'm a jerk.

Rachel is probably married by now. She probably moved on with Hudson ages ago. They probably live in a flash apartment in New York... with a bunch of little kids and tony awards. Rachel's, obviously. Hudson isn't quite talented enough - no offence to him.

Then, at the bottom of the clear, flowing water, I saw a sparkle of silver. Well, if I went after it, it will save me from going to Rachel's for a while.

I was wearing shorts, so I just waded in to the river. It was only high enough to reach my knees. I saw the silver sparkle, so I reached down, and pulled out a ring.

What the hell?

This ring brought back memories. It was the exact same one I had bought Rachel back in high school. But who would throw such an expensive ring in a river?

To get rid of memories. Could it have been her?

Then I slowly lifted my head to look across the road. There, standing exactly the same, was her house. Well, her house when I last saw her.

Did she still live there? Probably not. But it was worth a shot.

I hoped whoever answered wouldn't think I was a total loser... there was river weed on my leg.

I pressed the doorbell anxiously, and only had to wait a few seconds before someone answered. It wasn't Rachel.

"Yes?" the old man answered. "What do you want?" Jerk. He must have thought I was some homeless guy, looking for money or a place to stay.

"Does Rachel Berry live here?" I asked. His face changed into one of welcome.

"Come in!" he said. "Can I get you anything?"

I stepped through the door, ducking so I wouldn't hit my head. "Um... I was looking for Rachel... she's and old friend of mine, you see."

The man shook my hand. "I'm John." he said. "Rachel's great uncle. She moved out of Ohio two years ago... she married a lovely man, Tyler Bailey."

My heart sank. "Oh... never mind, then. Sorry for wasting your time."

I was about to stand up, but John quickly answered. "Please! Stay! As I was saying, Rachel and Tyler moved to Seattle so Tyler could finish his medical degree there."

Seattle? Rachel Berry?

John continued when I didn't speak. "Rachel was planning to go to New York ever since she was five years old... but then she decided to wait until the kids were a little bit older..."

This time, I spoke. "KIDS!"

"Yes. She found out just after they married. But then, after they were born, Tyler was in a car accident during a snow storm... and he didn't survive it."

I spoke again. "I'm sorry." I said, and I truely was. Rachel deserved the best, and the best wasn't always me. "So she's raising kids on her own?"

"Yes. I'm sure she'd be happy to see you, she's really lonely at the moment..."

"Well, I'm not so sure about that. See John, back in high school, we had a little fling... well, more than a fling, but anyway, I broke her heart. She hates me."

John looked disapointed. "Hate is a strong word, son. I'm sure, after that long, she would be glad to have you back in her life. I think you should at least be her friend... you have to try."

I replied, "I don't want to replace her husband, but if you really think I should try to be her friend, I guess I'll give it a crack..."

"Good. She needs a friend right now."

I stood up and shook John's hand again. "Thanks, for that. I'll talk to you soon."

"Good luck, boy."

And with that, I was on my way to Seattle.

**A/N: Thanks to those reviewers! I know nobody likes sad endings, neither do I, I was always going to write a sequel... Please review!**


	3. After Six Years

**A/N: Chapter 3, cos I know everyone likes happy endings! Tell me if I should continue or leave the story here. Votes close next Sunday.**

Number 11, Phoenix Place. This was the address Rachel's easy going great uncle had given me, though I wasn't entirely sure it was right.

The big wooden house was something out of a book, with neatly mowed lawns and a paved driveway leading up to the garage. It was one storey but looked quite big. This house didn't look like it belonged rainy Seattle.

Speaking of which, it wasn't actually raining now - but it was Summer anyway.

I knocked on the large oak door, which was slightly open.

Then a little face peeked out of the doorway and opened it a bit more.

"Hello?" she said happily.

The little girl looked about one and a half, with long, dark brown ringlets and piercing green eyes. She was wearing a cute little summer dress with white and green circles, and a matching green headband was in her hair.

She was absolutely adorable. I knew she was Rachel's child, she had her eyes, though they were a differnt colour.

"Um..." I said, not sure what to say. I had never spoken to a toddler in my life. "Is your mummy here?"

She nodded, but before she could speak, another girl came to join her at the door. They were completley identical, apart from their eyes - the new girl had brown, like Rachel's.

"Kate! Mummy _told _us not to talk to strangers!" she cried.

Kate, I'm guessing, crossed her arms. "Well, she did leave the door open... and this man, he knows mummy! He isn't a stranger!" she looked up at me. "Are you..."

"Jesse." I told her. I had only been around them for a few minutes and already, I was totally in love with them.

Kate nodded and shouted down the hall. "Mummy! Someone's here to see you!"

Please don't say, please don't say...

"His names Jesse and he has curly hair like mine!"

Oh god. No.

Rachel ran into the hall and scooped Kate up into her arms. "Katie! What did I tell you?"

"Strangers are dangerous."

"Exactly!"

"You left the door open, and Jesse knows you." Kate told her.

Just then, Rachel's whole body froze. "Jesse." she whispered.

"Rachel. Please, I need to talk to you."

She looked at her daughters. "Kate." she said finally. "Do you know how to put the Teletubbies on, or do you want me to do it?"

Kate grinned. "I can do it. I'm a big girl, remember?"

Then she sped off down the hall, and her sister followed her slowly, looking over her shoulder to Rachel, who gave her a reassuring smile.

Then she turned to me. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to give you this." I held out my palm, where her ring sat, faded from the river.

Rachel gasped. "The ring."

"Do you know, I found it in the weirdest spot, right in a river!"

She looked pissed. "I couldn't keep it, Jesse. After three years, I felt like I was fading away from it.."

"Like Lord of The rings." I interupted. She smiled. "Exactly. Anyway, I remembered how Gollum found the ring... so I chucked it in the river, if that makes any sense. It had been three years, and I needed closure."

"Did you get it?" I said, afraid that her answer would be yes, but also that it would be no.

"Sort of. I met Tyler not long after that, and I convinced myself it was a sign, a gift. Then after the girls were born..." she choked back a sob. I instantly felt bad for her, having to raise twins on her own.

"I decided to ditch Broadway, at least for a while. I didn't want my babies to be raised by nannies, never really seeing their mum."

She stopped for a moment and I took the oppurtunity to ask the question which had burned a hole in the back of my mind for years. "Are you happy?"

"Not being a star? Yes, having my daughters made me realise how much I had actually wanted to be a mother. So that part is easy... its just the other things, like losing Tyler... and losing you."

That shocked me. I felt terrible. I had caused her so much pain.

I decided to get off the uncomfortable subject of the dead spouse. "Your girls are amazing."

"They're everything I could have asked for."

"So I'm guessing out of the two, Kate is the more outgoing one?"

"Yep, pretty much."

"Whats the other one's name?"

"Lily. It's my favourite flower."

Hmmm. It was mine too. A small part of me wondered whether she had remembered that.

Then Rachel answered that. "I know its stupid, but I really needed to keep a part of you with me."

"What did your husband have to say about that?"

"I told him, and he agreed."

Wait, what? Sounds like this Tyler is a nicer guy then I imagined.

"What about Kate?"

"Your mothers name was Kate."

"Yeah, I guess it is." I replied thoughtfully.

Rachel smiled. "I bet you were thinking they seemed pretty mature for their age."

"You read my mind." Again.

"I'm quite an enthusiastic mum, Jesse. I always teach them everything. In fact, I'm pretty sure Lily has my voice, and she can even play a song on the piano... she makes up her own, even if they mainly consist of hitting any random key. But I'm not an over pushy mum, if thats what your thinking."

"Not at all." I said quickly. "So what amazing talents does Kate have?"

"She seems to be the sporty one. She loves playing outside with her Dad's old hockey stick... but I might try and steer her in the netball direction instead... she hurts herself too much. But I really don't mind what they want to be, they're my kids, and I want them to be happy."

Rachel obviously has changed. Then I remembered, that was my fault.

The conversation merged into other topics - L.A, Seattle, houses... I tried to avoid high school, though. We didn't need any reminders of that.

I knew that we might never be more than friends - Kate and Lily were her number one priority, she made that clear. Even so, I knew John was right. She needed a friend. And quite frankly, so did I. There was one thing I knew, though. I was glad to have her back in my life again.

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! If you think there was too much detail about Katie and Lily, sorry, but I love writing about little kids! They're so cute!**


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